I have recently become addicted to Metalocalypse. For those unfamiliar it's a cartoon on adult swim about the world's greatest death metal band. So with everything that interests me I have been doing resceach on the show, as a result, become familiar with the world of death metal. As you are well aware, because I don't let anyone forget, I lived in Norway for a while. I can sense some of you know where this is going. While in Norway I experienced a very laid back, an quiet culture. Now for the colliding part, it would appear that Norway along with the rest of Scandinavia is the unofficial home of black death metal with one band in particular leading the charge. That band is call Mayhem. They have been around for a while now and have 3 members who are deceased. One of them killed himself. One of his band mates found him dead and took polaroids. One of pics ended up on the cover of Dawn of the Blackhearts. Another member killed a fellow band mate over money. My point in all this is that while I enjoy the cartoon and enjoyed Norway it boggles my mind that there is such a dark and brooding underside in Norway, that I discovered through a cartoon.
In other news Annie and I have been together 4 and 1/2 months now. Everything is going great and for the first time in a long time I'm happy.
Oh yeah and for those that care (if anyone) Morgan is getting married to a 40 something guy she met a couple of months back.
*Yeah, so, I'm editing Dave's post, Dave wants me to say that i made it more zazzy. this is Annie by the way, hi Kevin, Urda, and Jessie!
I'm way late with this but for those of you unaware my daughter Rhianna Lynn was born Feb 9th weighing 7lbs 10oz and 21 1/2 inches long. Here are some pics of my kids. In other news Morgan and I went to court yesterday to finalize the divorce. It's all done. In about a week we will each get our paper work and that's it. Nasty business divorce, however a few pit falls aside we did this without too much drama. Well less than I expected from Morgan. I have also once again regained my status on the employeed list. I work a Tim Horton's on the graveyard shift. I keep telling myself there are worse was to make money. ( enjoy the cutenessCollapse )
In regards to my last post, my life truly isn't doom and gloom. That's not to say that everythings roses, but in my own little way I'm happy. The last couple of months Morgan and I were together was when I was really upset. It's difficult to watch something completely unravel and know that it will not stop. We tried couples counseling and that is were I learned how unhappy I was. During a session Morgan said that her needs were not being met. I sat in my chair thinking about that and realized that I don't met her needs nor does she meet mine. In the end we are not right for one another. She needs to be taken care of 24/7 and I'm the opposite. I needed a life outside of the home and work. This could have been damn near anything, a long drive, a drink at a bar, shooting a game of pool, etc. She needed me at home when I wasn't at work for well nothing really. In the end I simply got burned out after 4 years of not doing what I wanted. That sounds selfish and maybe it is. So as far as her and I go, I'm glad it's over. As most of you know I tried to end the relationship many times but always went bad. My children are a different story. My current situation parrells my parents. Dad leaving, Mom raises a boy and girl. What I struggle with now is not becoming my father. He and I didn't speak for 13 years and it took the death of my Mom for us to communicate. I know (after living with Dad for 4 months) that although we are a lot alike, we are vastly different. It upsets me that I don't see Julian enough and I fear that I'm becoming my father and that's not the case. As for my recent feelings about my Mom, she and I didn't have a very good relationship until I moved out. After leaving the nest and becoming an adult I saw things in a different perspective and in turn developed a great deal of respect. In the end I told Mom everything good and bad. If I was wrong she would call me on it. In a sense she became my moral compass. So lately, giving everything that has happened I feel cast adrift. Having said that I know what advice she would give me so that's what I'm going to do. My Dad and Step-Mom have been great during all of this. I've been living in there house rent free and have become a drain on the food and utilities bill. Not once have either of them pressured me or made me feel unwelcome. Quite the opposite. In fact yesterday my Step Mom and I set up the christmas tree and I help clean the house. What I don't get from either of them is conversation. This is a two way street and I don't offer anything and they don't ask. So in conclusion I'm down but not out. Besides I always learn valuable lessons from my self made prisons.
For the last 4 months I've been living in Rockland at my Dad's trying to figure out some things (is my marriage going to last, am I a good father, will I ever work again, am I repeating my past). The answers to these questions are no, I hope so, fingers crossed, sadly yes. The main question I've been asking myself is how did I get here. There isn't a simply answer, but the writing was on the wall. Morgan and I was some sort of cosmic joke from the start. I've complained to anyone who would listen for the last for years who sad I was with her, but always convinced myself that perhaps things could work out. The reason for us not working out or numerous as well as obvious if you spent any time with us. For about the past week and a half we have stopped talking after having a long fight on the phone. The marriage is over. At our last court appearance in Sept we filed for an extension to see if you could work it out. In Feb we will go back to court and get a for divorce. It's not overly important but she filed for divorce not me. My current relationship I have with Julian is strained at best. I don't get up so see him nearly enough and with my car dying last month (minor work needs to be done but once again I'm pleading poverty) I've only seen him once at his 2nd birthday party and that was only for a couple of hours. To add insult to injury Morgan is 7th months pregnant with our daughter. So for all you mathematicians we split up/I left (depending on who you listen to) whilst she was with child. It's been only a week or so where I finally admitted to myself that my Mom's passing has deeply affected me. When I had, very unexpected, I processed the information and moved forward. We my grief has got up to me, in the process destroying my marriage and the company that I worked for. So where do I go from here? Well I finally stared, albeit half-assed, looking for work. The problem there is I'm either over or under qualified for most open jobs. However, I have applied for a few jobs. In closing this entry isn't a aw poor Dave, I needed to see my life written out and think about it. Call it therapy. Happy Holidays. (is it too early for that?)
Type o Negative - Blood and Fire (Out of the ashes mix)
All things considered, I'm doing quite well. Sunday, after being thrown out of my house, I crashed in my car at the smokehouse. I did the same thing Monday, but started forming a plan of action. Today is payday so I started to put those plans into action. Basiclly I'm going back to my roots, tent living. I bought a new tent and basic stuff to go with it. I'm crashing at the smokehouse tonight, because in the middle of the night I have to go meet a truck to pick up fish and frankly cell reception is spotty at best and I have to get the call. I haven't spoken to Morgan since Sunday and I can tell you honestly that I'm feeling like my old self again.
I'm either going to be very clear in this post or cryptic. That's just the way it is. As some of you may already know, Morgan and I have been having extreme difficulties in our marriage as of late. I was thrown out Wednesday and kicked around Rockland til Saturday. I went home Saturday night in the hopes of either taken the marriage where it hasn't been (needs met, expectations, ect.). She attacked me, with Julian awake and watching. I spent time with Julian and did stuff around the house. Tonight, while eating a sandwich, Morgan tells me that I owe her Dad $100. that she used while I was gone. I told her that I couldn't do it out of this check and that I didn't owe him any money, she did. She tried to take the sandwich away and well I'm ashamed to say it rubbed it in her face. She called the police on me so I grabbed some stuff, clothes mostly, and wait for the police. The cop was very nice and said that there was really nothing he could do (arrest me for assault with a turkey sandwich) but he really didn't want to have to come back if I stayed and things got ugly. So here I am at work writing this. I havent' decided if I'm going to work and just go upstairs and sleep on the couch in the breakroom. Hmmm guess it wasn't that cryptic after all. Oh and Kevin I got your stuff.